Dandelion Clocks Page 4

  ‘Isaac, move,’ I tell him.

  ‘Have you seen my Pokemon cards?’ he says.

  ‘No.’ My voice is cold and sharp – I want to be left alone, just for a few minutes.

  ‘They’re missing,’ Isaac says.

  ‘Not interested. Move.’

  ‘I can’t find them.’

  ‘Talk to the hand, Isaac.’

  Isaac looks at me for a moment and I think he’s finally got the message. He frowns and then holds his hand up in the air in front of him.

  ‘Hand – where are my Pokemon cards?’ he asks it.

  I explode. He has finally pushed my last button and I’ve had enough.

  ‘You are not stupid, Isaac! Take the hint! I don’t want to talk to you, OK? Go away.’

  I sink back into the sofa, already regretting my outburst, but wishing with every bit of me that, just for once, Isaac could think about someone other than himself.

  Isaac takes a last bite of his toast, crumbs dropping on to the carpet as he wipes his hands together, careful to make sure that no toast remains on his fingers.

  ‘And I don’t want to talk to you, Liv. I just want to know where my Pokemon cards are.’ He is looking at a spot on the wall above my head and I know that I’ve confused him. That he has no idea what he’s done wrong. I shake my head to let him know that I can’t help him and he walks away. I follow him with my eyes and see Mum, leaning in the doorway to the kitchen. She smiles at Isaac as he goes past and then looks at me.

  ‘Bad day?’ she asks.

  ‘You have no idea,’ I mutter. I don’t particularly want to talk to her either, not when she’s planning on tearing our family apart.

  ‘Tell me about it?’ she says, but I shake my head at her too. She turns to leave.

  ‘It wasn’t my fault,’ I blurt out, and she stops and turns back to me, eyebrows raised in a question. ‘Just now, with Isaac – it wasn’t my fault. Anyone else would have known to leave me alone. It’s not a crime to need a bit of space now and again.’

  ‘But Isaac isn’t “anyone else”, is he?’ says Mum. ‘He doesn’t understand what you want unless you tell him, Liv. You know that.’

  ‘Great,’ I say, scowling. ‘So we just have to put up with it, do we, for the rest of our lives? We just accept that Isaac needs everything spelling out for him – even how the rest of us are feeling?’

  ‘Particularly how the rest of us are feeling,’ says Mum. ‘Think how much we communicate using our faces and our bodies, Liv. The minute I walked in here I could tell that you were cross, and that something’s bothering you. You didn’t have to tell me in words – it was clear from the way you were frowning and crossing your arms. It was obvious from the way your lips were squeezed together. But Isaac can’t read that language. It’s like asking you to talk to someone who only speaks Bulgarian. It’d be really hard.’

  I sit up a bit straighter, thinking about what Mum is saying.

  ‘I get all that, Mum – really I do. But can’t he learn to “read” how we’re feeling? He’s learnt to do a whole heap of other stuff, so why can’t he just learn to look at people’s faces and figure out how they’re feeling.’

  Mum smiles at me. ‘He can, but he needs some help. Don’t you remember, we had those drawings of faces that we used to show him? He was great at remembering what the faces were supposed to mean – he just found it a bit trickier to relate that to real, live people. Dad and I have been meaning to try something else, but there’s been a lot of other stuff happening lately and we haven’t got round to it. I will, I promise, Liv. But in the meantime, try to be patient with him. We’re asking a lot of him and it isn’t going to happen overnight.’

  I stand up. I don’t want this conversation carrying on, not if she’s going to start talking about the ‘other stuff’ that’s been going on around here. Anyway, I’ve just had a brilliant idea for helping Isaac and I can get started on it straight away.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ I tell Mum. ‘I can help him. I reckon I’ve got a great plan.’

  Mum looks at me and for a second I think she’s about to burst into tears. Then she takes a few steps towards me and pulls me into a hug.

  ‘Thank you, Liv,’ she whispers. ‘Isaac is really going to need you on his team. I’m so proud of you, the way you look out for him.’

  ‘He’s my brother,’ I say, pulling away from her. ‘That’s what families do, isn’t it – look out for each other?’

  I run up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and dash into my room. My camera is on my desk and I grab it. It’s old and not great but it’ll do the job. I head across the hall to Isaac’s room. His door is half open so I give a quick knock and stick my head round. Isaac is sitting cross-legged on his bed, Pokemon cards spread out all around him. He is smiling.

  ‘You found them then?’ I say.

  He looks up at me and grins, and I fire off a quick shot, the flash of the camera making him blink.

  ‘What was that?’ he asks.

  ‘That was “happy”,’ I tell him, and then I walk downstairs with the hope of seeing Mum or Dad demonstrating an emotion that I can capture on camera.

  I’m still plucking up the courage to talk to Mum and Dad about them splitting up. I haven’t done it yet because (a) they don’t seem to be arguing any more, and (b) something massively momentous has happened.

  I was sitting in my science class this afternoon with Alice, pretending to understand what Mr Jackson had asked us to do. I know it had something to do with a Bunsen burner and some liquid, but other than that it was a complete mystery to me. Alice wasn’t being much help either cos she was busy trying to finish her French homework, which was due in next period – Madame Dupont is not universally known for her tolerance and compassion when her pupils are late with homework. You could show her video evidence of your dog literally eating your French verbs and she would still look stony-faced and give you a detention slip.

  I had a quick glance over my shoulder to the bench behind me, where Ben and Jack were sitting, to see if I could get any clues about what to do. And that’s when it happened. Ben smiled at me! It was only a little smile and he looked away straight afterwards, but it was still a smile – just for me!

  That smile made today the best science lesson ever. Even when Mr Jackson stormed over to our bench and started yelling at us and asking why we hadn’t actually done anything purposeful all lesson. Even when I could see Moronic Louise nudging her equally stupid friend and sniggering at me. Even when Alice was a bit fed up with me for not attempting to keep us out of trouble and under the radar with Mr Jackson. All I could do was look kindly at my fellow classmates and hug the memory of that smile to myself.

  Alice instantly forgave me when we got out of science and I told her why I’d been acting so strangely. She understood completely that I could not be expected to focus on the mundanities of the science national curriculum while forces of nature were aligning the stars that would bring Ben and me together. Or something like that.

  I float home after school and drift into the kitchen. And of course Mum can tell that something is up.

  ‘Had a good day, Liv?’ she asks, peering at me over the top of her reading glasses.

  ‘S’all right, I s’pose,’ I mumble back, trying to play it cool and pretending to be absorbed in the back of the newspaper that she’s reading.

  ‘OK – spill!’ she says, folding up the paper and putting it on the table. ‘We both know you want to tell me something.’

  I think for a moment. Should I tell her? I’m pretty sure she’ll get why I’m excited – but all of a sudden I feel a bit embarrassed about actually saying the words. My camera is lying on the kitchen table where I left it this morning and I pick it up, glad to have something to do with my hands while I think about what to say.

  ‘I know something’s going on, Olivia Ellis.’ Mum leans forward and rests on her elbows, looking me in the eye.

  ‘Maybe,’ I say, grinning inside. I actually do want to tell her but it
’s kind of fun, making her wait like this.

  ‘You know you’re going to tell me anyway, so get on with it!’ Mum has utterly no patience and she won’t take no for an answer. Which is actually pretty cool most of the time – I hardly ever want to keep things from her and she often has good advice (sometimes she has some terrible advice too, so I just ignore her on those occasions). I aim the camera at her face and push the button. Great – that’s ‘impatient’ sorted for my Isaac project.

  Then I plonk myself down in the chair opposite her and make sure I have her full attention.

  ‘Ben smiled at me in science!’ I lean back, smug in the knowledge that she will understand what an eventful day this is. She does not disappoint.

  ‘OK – I can see why you’re looking so excited! I presume we are talking about the Ben. Mr Gorgeous, Mr Sporty, Mr Clever?’

  ‘Err – yes, Mum. How many Bens do you think I like?’

  ‘Just checking,’ she says. ‘So, it’s been a good day then?’

  ‘The best!’ I tell her. ‘I really thought he didn’t like me, but maybe I was wrong.’

  ‘Earth to Liv – you were definitely wrong! Why on earth wouldn’t he like you? I happen to know that you are extremely likeable. In fact, there would have to be something wrong with the poor boy if he didn’t like you.’

  ‘It was just a smile, Mum,’ I say. ‘He hasn’t asked me out or anything.’

  ‘Do you want him to?’ asks Mum, smiling at me across the table.

  I can feel a red blush spreading across my face as I think about all the reasons why I like Ben. I’m glad that Dad and Isaac aren’t home yet – there is no way I could have this conversation if they were around.

  ‘I’m not sure,’ I whisper, suddenly feeling that Ben’s smile could have meant just about anything. ‘Yes – maybe – I don’t know.’

  ‘It’s hard to know what to think about boys sometimes, isn’t it?’ says Mum and I look at her in surprise. What would she know about it? She’s been married to Dad for fifteen years.

  Mum laughs. I guess my face is telling her exactly what I’m thinking.

  ‘Yes, Liv, believe it or not I was once your age. And I did like the occasional boy or two, or five. I do remember what it’s like – and mostly I remember it being very confusing!’ She takes hold of my hand. ‘Ooh, cold hands!’ Mum tucks my hand inside both of hers and rubs, warming my fingers.

  ‘But it wasn’t the same for you,’ I tell her.

  ‘No?’ She moves on to my other hand.

  ‘Everything’s different these days. You and Dad are always saying that.’

  ‘Some things are different,’ she corrects. ‘Other things will always be the same, and sometimes the only way to cope with things is by knowing that you are not the first person who has ever had to deal with a situation. And you will definitely not be the last.’ She stops rubbing my hands and stares out of the window and it feels like I’ve lost her for a moment.

  ‘Mum?’ I say, and she snaps her head back towards me. ‘I don’t know what to do next.’

  ‘You don’t have to do anything special,’ says Mum. ‘Life is an adventure, Liv. Sometimes you just need to let it happen. Ben smiled at you – so smile back!’

  I grin at her, feeling happy inside.

  ‘I just need you to remember something really important,’ Mum says, and I groan. Here it comes – the talk about keeping safe and behaving myself. I should have known that she wouldn’t be able to resist giving me a lecture.

  ‘I want you never to forget that I understand. I know how it feels. It’s not always going to be easy for you to talk to me – but there’s something I want to give you that I hope will help when you need reminding that you’re not on your own.’ Mum pushes back her chair and stands up.

  ‘Get a snack and meet me upstairs in my room. Give me five minutes.’ She leaves the kitchen and I’m left wondering what it is that she’s talking about.

  I make myself a drink and grab a biscuit from the pig tin. Isaac bought it for Mum for Mother’s Day a few years ago. It’s hideous actually, but Mum claims to love it. I think she only uses it cos she doesn’t want to hurt Isaac’s feelings and it was really a miracle that he bought her anything at all. He doesn’t normally get the point of giving things to other people and I end up putting his name on whatever I’ve bought.

  By the time I get upstairs, Mum is dragging a box out from under her bed and wiping an inch-thick layer of dust off the top.

  ‘Ooh, what’ve you got there then? Family heirloom?’ I say, throwing myself on the bed.

  She hauls the box up and puts it down next to me. ‘As close to a family heirloom as you’re likely to get, so be impressed. Go on then, open it up!’

  I have to admit, I am pretty excited. Ideas about what might be inside the box are flying into my head – precious jewellery maybe, or a vintage summer dress that would make me irresistible to Ben. I yank open the lid and look inside.

  ‘Books?’ I say. ‘And dusty, ancient ones too!’

  ‘Hang on a minute, Liv – and less of the ancient if you don’t mind. These aren’t just any old books. They’re my diaries from when I was young.’

  Diaries, hey? My ears prick up at this and I start to feel a bit less disappointed. This could be hilarious – I bet Mum was a real goody-goody when she was a kid.

  ‘Now, I’m not a world expert on anything but what I do know about is being an eleven-year-old girl. You don’t have to read them all now, but I’m giving you these diaries to read whenever you think that nobody understands you.’ Mum gives me a hug and starts to put the lid back on the box.

  ‘Hey, let me have a look at them then,’ I protest.

  ‘Not a chance – not with me sitting here!’ she laughs. ‘Far too embarrassing. And I don’t want you quoting the daft things I used to write about over the breakfast table, OK?’

  She stands up and heads out of the room, stopping in the doorway and turning back to me.

  ‘I’m going to the shed to pot up some plants – give me a yell if Dad phones. Put these in your room and read them when it feels like the right time. There’re some pretty good rules for life in there, you know!’

  I grin at her and pick up the box. Heading down the hall to my bedroom, I can hear Mum go downstairs, humming a tune that I vaguely remember.

  I sit down on the window seat in my room. It’s my favourite place to sit and think. If I close the curtains, then nobody can see me but I can look out and see everyone walking down the street outside our house. Today they’re all rushing, heads bent against the driving rain that is pelting down and I’m glad to be inside.

  I open up the box and pull out the first book. It looks really battered. The front cover is all creased and there’s a stain that looks like it might once have been Weetabix. The title says My Secret File: A Do-It-Yourself Dossier For Your Darkest Thoughts and the price on the back says 95p. Crikey – it must be old then – you can’t buy anything for 95p nowadays.

  I open it up. The first page says My Vital Statistics and is full of fascinating (not!) facts about Mum, like she weighed 5 stone and had size 2 feet and brown eyes. Nothing remotely interesting here then. The next page is pretty similar – she’d written that her nickname was ‘Rat’ and that she was eight years and two months old. Her handwriting is terrible. I can’t believe she has the nerve to have a go at me for writing sloppily. I can barely read what she’s written in some places! I flick through and then find this page:

  – MY PETS: Rover, my fish

  – MY FAVOURITE BOOK: All the Famous Fives

  – MOST USELESS THING I OWN: My Little Pony

  – HOW MUCH POCKET MONEY I GET EACH WEEK: None

  – HOW MUCH I’D LIKE TO GET: 50 pounds

  – NOW A SERIOUS ANSWER: 10p

  – IF I HAD £100 I’D BUY: A big doll

  – FAVOURITE FOOD: Angel Delight and fish fingers

  – BEST RECORDS: Culture Club, Adam and the Ants

  – I AM TALENTED AT: Licking
my nose

  Hahaha! Mum had a My Little Pony! She is always telling me what a tomboy she was and that she spent all her time playing outside and climbing trees and helping out in the garden – and it turns out that all she actually wanted was a ‘big doll’? What a waste of £100. If I had £100 I’d buy a new iPod or loads of iTunes vouchers or a touch-screen phone. What was she thinking?

  I’m a bit concerned about her lack of ambition as well. Settling for 10p a week pocket money? Seriously? I know stuff was cheaper back then, but that’s taking the mickey. What could she possibly have bought with 10p? I suppose she could have saved up for six weeks and treated herself to a Mars bar – she really loves them!

  I’ve never actually heard of the bands she’s written down, but that isn’t particularly surprising cos I haven’t heard of any of the music that she listens to now either. It’s always really embarrassing whenever she takes me and Alice anywhere in the car. She goes on about developing our musical education and then puts on a load of rubbish that nobody would ever want to listen to.

  I return the book to the box and slide the whole thing into my wardrobe, pushing it to the back. It’s just as I thought – funny, but irrelevant to me in every way.

  I’m just finishing my maths homework when Mum calls me down for tea. I’ve been repeating this maths homework now for the best part of two and a half weeks and every time I hand it in Mrs Woods hands it straight back with a ‘Not good enough, Olivia’. I have literally no idea what I need to do to improve it, so today I have resorted to the only option available to me. The homework is to do with some magic cube (nothing remotely magical about it as far as I can see) and I have taken the drastic action of drawing all the cubes again and colouring them in with the nicest felt tips that I could find – had to search in my old art box for ages to find any that hadn’t run out. If she isn’t happy with it tomorrow, then I can do nothing more. I have utilized every mathematical and non-mathematical skill that I have and I am now empty of ideas – so this had better work …